Monday, June 29, 2009

Going Where it Takes Me

I'm sorry for the delay in my posts. Life has been, well, hard lately. My mom is still having a hard time. Her good days are very good, and I have hope that she's finding her footing. Her bad days are devastating and I've found I have to distance myself emotionally from her on those days to be able to function for my own family. Mental illness is no picnic.

My little sister was in the hospital for a few days, too. They found two blood clots on her lungs and are not sure what's causing them. They've put her on a medication to break them up and prevent them from returning. I've been praying for her and hope that she'll make a full recovery.

Hubby has gone back to working on Mondays, for the time being (for the rest of the summer, we hope), but he's not allowed any overtime, and without that, I don't know how we're going to catch up. I have to have faith that things will work out some how.

Countrywide/Bank of America is still stringing me along. The ARM refinance they offered me under the Making Home Affordable Refinance program was offered in ignorance of the fact that if you're already in a fixed loan, you can't be refinanced into an ARM. I had to tell them this information when I went to Freddie Mac's website to get more information on the program. Isn't it crazy that I know more about how these programs work that the mortgage company?

We went ahead and sent them all our information all over again a few weeks ago for the HASP, or Making Home Affordable Modification and were assigned a negotiator. He called me once on June 22, left a message for me to call him back using the Hardship number I already had, but left no extension. When I called back, they basically said there was no way for me to reach him directly, that they would email him and let him know I wanted him to call me again, but that was the best they could do. They also told me that he would probably try to call me again at some future date, and that if he was unable to reach me again, it could cancel our application. So I guess I'm suppose to stay next to the phone and hold my breath. Hah!

I haven't heard from Bill Gephardt since that first embarrassing phone call several weeks ago. LOL. He did tell me there were no guarantees that he could do anything, but that he would see what he could find out on all this. Keep your fingers crossed:)

So life has kept me on my toes. I'm fairly certain that whenever it feels like I'll catch my breath, something is waiting in the wings to come knock it out of me again. Some days I'm just fine with this, and just go with the flow. On those days, I look around me, thank God for the many blessings in my life, smile, and go along with whatever comes my way.

I wish I could say I was always this good. I'd be a better person for it, if I could manage it. But alas, I'm not there yet. On the bad days, I mutter, maybe even let out a curse, and just feel like my world is caving in. On those days I forget the blessings I have and ask God, "can I not be happy? Can't I just take it easy for a little while? Does everything have to go wrong at once?" Actually, that's probably the nice version of what I say on those down days. Haha.

I have to remind myself that without adversity, I can't grow. I'd be content to stay where I am, in my comfort zone, and learn nothing. I heard yesterday something that will stay with me:
The very existence of adversity proves God's love for us.
What? I thought at first. How can that be? Why would He want anything bad to happen to us? But that was the wrong way to look at it.

I can't tell you how many times I've told my children, when they were grumbling about something hard they had to do, that they would be thankful for it someday--because they'll be able to take that experience they've learned from and it will make things easier later. The very same principle applies to us.

Trials make us stronger. So reminding myself of that, maybe I'll have more of those good days, and complain less on the bad ones. It can happen, right? ;)