Saturday, May 5, 2012

What is Success? My Definition Keeps Changing....

What would you define as success? Is it following your dreams? Sticking to your plan? Accepting the changes life brings you whole-heartedly and changing your life map to make the most of what you have? I've found my definition has changed over the years.

Life is certainly a road that isn't without its bumps, forks in the road and sudden turns you didn't see coming. It certainly complicates things when you're not sure where your focus should lie. Much of the last 15 years my attention has been split between raising my family (whom I'm so blessed to have!) and writing. Most of the time (let's say 99%), family wins. It wasn't always that way, but it was a choice I made several years ago when I decided what was most important to me right now. I always tell myself that writing can come later. I'm just not a fun person when I get interrupted while deeply engrossed in creating my characters. Let's just leave it at that. Hah!

So I tell myself that when my youngest is in school, I'll have all the time I need to finish that book I started too long ago. Most days I'm okay with that. But I try to make up for it by coming here, or to HubPages, and doing articles. It's not as engrossing, and I can be interrupted without turning into a troll (that may be a little extreme, but you get the picture).

To scratch the itch I have of getting lost in a world of fiction, I lose myself in others' creations when I can (whether that be a TV show, movie or book). It's funny that I prefer to write real life things, but my reading preference is Fantasy. Maybe it's because I write what I know (and to exorcise a few demons from the past), so I prefer to be entertained by something less real....Anyway.....

Then there are days like today. I have this book (don't most of us wannabe writers?) I've been working on it for years. Okay, I'll be honest, the last few years I haven't touched it--only thought about it in frustration now and then. I have most of it plotted out in my mind. I know how I want most of it to go, but it just wasn't working for me. I couldn't figure it out. The idea came to me in a dream, but the resolution just wouldn't come that easily. I would sit in front of the computer and go back over it and over it. Some things were obvious and were cut the more experience I got (gotta love writing groups!). But the main character just didn't feel right to me. Then the demands of life and family became stronger and I just set it aside, not wanting to give up, but realizing I just couldn't do it right now.

This morning, after a late night up, I woke up bright and early this morning. I was trying to figure out why I wasn't still lost in the land of dreams when I realized I was thinking about my book. I started thinking of the main character and why she wasn't working and it came to me. Just like that. Sudden inspriration flooded my mind and I wanted to rush downstairs and start making changes that would help me run with this story. Then it hit me, my daughter has piano this morning, my other daughter has soccer right after lunch, my husband and son are out camping--and that leaves me in charge of the running.......You can see my dilema.

I'll just have to take some notes, I suppose. The day will come when I'll miss these days with my children. I know that. There are times I feel it already as the older ones become more independent, and I see them preparing to become the adults they'll soon be.

Until then, I'll try not to feel like I'm failing to use my talent; my gift. There are days when I get to dust it off and help the kids with a fiction project for English. I just have to remember during those times that it's their story, not mine!  ;)

I guess my point is, I've had to change my definition for success. I haven't yet accomplished all I set out to do. But then I hadn't ever dared to hope I'd have all that I have now. I'm still young...ish--it's never too late to do those things I initially set out to do. But until then, I can't discount all I've done up to now. My life is full and so is my heart.

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